Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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