fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
