Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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