HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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