his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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