What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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