So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
And then he peed in my hair
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