I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We're too hungover to prance.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
