The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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