plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
