I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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