do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
