He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
