swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
soo... how was my night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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