She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
