from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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