it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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