I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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