you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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