at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
