I am midnight drunk by noon
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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