i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
