We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
