As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
