FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
