she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
