I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
