he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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