a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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