Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
