i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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