I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
