dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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