this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
