please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
