I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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