I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
