I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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