How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
