Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
