Will you blow on my dice?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
