There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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