Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
