I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
