i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
