my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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