I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
