hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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