Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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