it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
