I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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