sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
