Screwed.edu
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
