i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
