New low: just hacked my moms facebook
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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