im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
