ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
