what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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