the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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