i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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