found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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