That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
