Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Come share oat with me in your robe
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
