based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
