omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
