I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
