garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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