We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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