he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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