Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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