So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
