they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
