no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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