final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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